Its Just Not the Same

Well some of you may have read my blog entry "motivation".
This is basically a followup.

Well I saw him for the first time in weeks and
as I approached him I became very very very angry
angry to the point where I didn't want to share words with him
It's not within me to hold grudges
My heart doesn't allow me to
God didn't make me that way
but something
some built up anger
to where steam
seemed
to have escaped my nostrils
like a raging bull
So angry that I had to pause
stop
reevaluate myself
breath
rethink it over
then speak
I'm pretty sure my facial expressions said it all
but
I could not take my emotions out on him
because we are friends and
I'm sure he is oblivious
or may not be
to whats going
and my head begin to swell and
it felt like it was a giant red balloon
ready
and waiting for someone
someone with a sewing needle
to pop it
and
I deflated it
and I
smiled
probably the most phony smile
Id ever smile in my life
but surely afterwards
I became heated again
Like a kettle
so instead of taking out on him
I put all on something else that
would not make it all about him
to avoid regurgitating the wrong words
as to not offend him

Even though we were only just friends
and
we still are
I feel that I should have gotten a warning
something
should have registered in his head
to set a boundary
about
where we stood
as far as friendship is concerned
Now

Now I am in no rush
to see him
to speak to him
to call him

I wish it didn't have to be like this
and I know I cant continue to act this way
because my personality
requires me to be
the goofiest
friendliest
most trustworthy
kindest
best friend anyone could have

I know this will all blow over
but as of right now
Its just not the same



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