Whats it Like

That's all I want to know

Jagged Edge Videos | Music Video Codes

Had to find this song because it pretty much sums up the way I feel.
Everyday I feel old as dirt and lonely. I'm young, and with being young I'm supposed to be enjoying the single life right? Wrong!! I'm miserable. I mean have tons a good friends that I can actually talk to and they are there for me, but I still feel that void telling me that I need more that I need that companionship; that bond with that special one. It really bothers me from day to day. I catch myself praying to God for hours, all during the day for him to help me get through this time in my life with, not just wanting to be in love and be loved back, but life period and all the obstacles associated with living and being human. I guess I'm going to have to continue to be patient and wait for his blessing. I just had to get this out.



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Now playing: Melanie Fiona - You Stop My Heart
via FoxyTunes

Giving Up

Don't you just feel like giving up sometimes
Giving up on everything like
Long term and short term goals
love and relationships
just everything
It seems like no matter how hard I try I can't seem to get over the hump.
and I mean in everything
The feeling of being unsuccessful when you've dedicated so much time and effort and you seem to be getting no results at all.
no results at all
What am I doing this for?
I'm striving so hard for everything and nothing seems to be looking up. Nothing at all and right now it seems like I'm doing all this for nothing.
Yeah the encouragement of it will all work is what they say.
But when.
God says be patient but I think I've been patient for way to long.
My heart is so overwhelmed with the feeling of working for nothing and wanting to have something to be proud of yourself for but that one time you do everything seems to crashing down and a sour whip cream pie is thrown in my face.
and you can't like it off or It'll make you sick.
so you take a shower to wash off all the filth
and embarrassment and shame and longing for change.
and the guy you want ignores you and he could care less and he blows you off.

I know I'm being very repetitious, but I cant help the shamefulness and discouragement I get when I actually put an huge effort. Scratch that I dedicate whole days and sleep and I love to sleep, to certain things with no results. I cant help the feeling of wanting to give up. Input and no output. I'm doing it all for nothing.

UGH I just want to give up.

I Dont Want It

Love is such a beautiful thing.
who doesn't want the warm bliss of spring
when its winter cold and rain and
its so beautiful that when your with this person you feel no pain and
all your troubles vanish
and he or her is yours to cherish and
you guys see many moons and
share many good times and
and the joys of holding each other
getting through any kind of weather
whether it be literal or mental
whatever it is you know you have love and that's all that matters

but
you see being in love, love
that's a whole nother story
being in love is the feeling you have
when you're running through a meadow
and your feet aren't even touching the ground
because your heart is lifted
and your on cloud 9
and you're strolling down love lane

so whats so special about it
we all want it because society says love will set you free
but you see
this thing we all want know as love isn't as all as its cracked up to be
believe me
I've seen it and
its seen me
well at least I thought it did
this thing called love will get you in trouble
it will turn the humblest sweetest kindest girl
to a no good crazy truck keying girl
a girl so full of hurt and hate that she does things out of spite
always ready to fight
you know what I'm talking about
love this thing that god wants us to know
and what he wants us to show
to everyone
of every color
of every tongue
of every nation
in unity

love
love is the best thing you can ever have
but to be in love means. giving up everything............
and you know what I don't want it
I'm not a selfish person
but when that wooden stake or that silver bullet strikes you in the heart
the only thing you want to do is die
and I don't want to
and some of you do.
emotionally spiritually mentally and even physically
we have died because love has was sucked out of you life
like unborn child not getting a chance to breathe the breaths of life
you may say I'm wrong about how i feel about love
and you may say love is good
but I'm pretty sure you and your love get misunderstood
about petty things
and smalls fights
then its the sleepless nights a
and frustration

and the constant anger
and jealousy
then next thing you know
its you and her
I see you've worked it out
but have you fully forgiving
going to bed with doubt
always holding on to small things that need to be thrown away.
always throwing a mistake when there is a small bicker
always poking with a pitchfork of hate.
where it hurts

and though you say you forgive
you haven't
that's why with love
love yourself
and if you want to keep sanity
and that's why when it comes to being in love
I don't want it

Swat away the love bug
Hopefully she wont come back and bite me.

Unloved

So I wrote this poem when I was going through it all with a certain guy.
For some odd reason, Ive been feeling this way again.
It's like I'm having this feeling of wanting to move on but is unable to because of various factors. That feeling you get when you have someone in mind and think everything is going well. You hope together the two of you will progress then you are hit with a low blow; in the middle of your gut by a subliminal message and all you can do is keep your cool, and pretend that you aren't down about it, and try to keep on with your daily activities as such it was before you met this new person who you thought may have been interested in you. Obviously you received the wrong message/vibe. I know some of you guys felt like that at least once in their life, so I took this "poem" that I wrote on paper and decided to share it here. (sorry for all the runons)



Sometimes I feel so unloved
so unaccomplished so left out that
the world seems to have left me
cemented



in this hardening quicksand that will
bring me down and
keep me in one place
so unloved that
loves seems to have no place for me
at all
and that
to know love
true love
is not meant for me to know
or even be showed
unloved
to not have the joy of
spending time with he
who makes me smile to
not know the feeling of running a mile
with your feet not even touching the ground
to feel forgotten
like a rotten apple
left on the dresser for days and
time and age accept it
to be alone


with no sidekick
with no ace
the face
that helps to want to succeed
but where is he
is the grass greener
is faith all we need
where could he be
the guy who will take me to the park and
sit under the tree with me and
tell stories of
how it was as a child
growing up
the trails and tribulations
smile and
how many teeth he lost
where is this guy
unloved
like prunes
unloved like bill collectors
calling harassing everyday
unloved with
No one to talk to
no one to hold when these country nights get cold and
no one to get old with
unloved
knowing that you've tried all you can
and yet
he ignores you and
goes on with his daily activities
alone
thus making you feel unloved
where your heart years for
attention, passion and pleasure
and whether it be a simple call to say
when is the next time you want to get together
or
how is the weather
there
unloved as one one cares but him
God
the giver of life
and you pray


I pray
that one day
he will bless me and
send me that one that will
make all my loneliness and longing expire
and the anxieties of wanting love
and headaches retire
and I pray that
I will get the chance to express
with all sincerity the blessings that he has given me
so that on that day
I will no longer
unwanted lonely and unloved

Sportz Junky

I'm about to flip out.
I have no Cable and internet is real iffy
This is crazy because I used to wake up to sports center.
Not being able to keep up with all the sports id usually keep with with had made me focus on the one I love most.
BASKETBALL!!!!!

My Boyz The Houston Rockets

These guys have been through so much with injuries.
Yet its humbling how much determination they have.
These last few game Carl Landry and Kyle Lowry both have shown much improvement. Well lets not say improvement.Lets go with hustle..I think. Ever since Klow was traded to Houston, we all knew from the first game he played as a Rocket, that his style was to attack the basket and draw fouls. That's whats been keeping us in games. He's showing to be a finisher. Landry has been a real monster going to the basket blocking shots, defense, and going to the basket. These guys deserve more than the criticism they get.
To say some people like Charles Barkley Think they are the worst team in the NBA.
Yes he did say that



Charles is a real hater when it comes to the rockets to say he played for the team.
Especially when Yao came to Houston and he said that yao will never score 19 points a game and had to pay the consequences.



CLASSIC

Of course I loled, because apparently their record speaks for itself.
I'm not saying that they are doing great, and they darn sure aren't doing terrible but to say these guys go through so many lineup changes with injuries
that they have to have a positive spirit and motivation to prove everyone who doubts them wrong.
Its still early in the season and they still have some adjustment to do for when T-mac comes back and eventually Yao. They should be fun to watch.


The Atlanta Hawks have surprised the crap out of me.

They currently lead the east.
How the hell did that happen?
They are one of my adopted teams.
Joe Johnson


is a free agent(hopefully he comes to Houston) is averaging 22.6 points a game. I don't know who they added to their team or if it was the experience they got from the playoffs but they are taking care of business.



When these two teams played, I know who I wanted to win, but I couldn't be as mad as I wanted to be because it was a good game from two good teams. There is always the what ifs with the injuries on the rockets, but to say that it was a well played and by the grace of god ATL won. I can't hate the team though. Kudos to ATL.


I WILL BE GETTING CABLE SOON! I DON'T THINK I CAN TAKE ANYMORE OF THIS!

Music and Art

MUSIC CREATES VISUAL IMAGES
WITH CLOSED EYES
ART CREATES MUSIC
FROM THE SILENT SOUNDS
THUS THESE COMBINE TO
ENGULF MY WORLD WITH
VARIETY CULTURE AND APPRECIATION

LET ME ELABORATE ON THE TWO






Neo-Soul smooths the yearning heart from all pain and
gives you that inspiration while it rains
in your mind and spirit melodically healing
the sorrow overwhelming you're soul and
at the same time
Motivating you to go on with life
As if nothing ever happened or
problems never entered or
giving you the insurance that god
was with you the whole time.
Understanding that we are imperfect and
there are people in the world who
dont seem to care about no one but
themselves hurting all that they can
a decrescendo of hurt
and a crescendo of joy
poco a poco


Neo-Soul
Music that heals or mind body and spirit
like putting together a jigsaw puzzle
taking it one piece at a time.
Music that while indulged in it
you forget how it started and
don't want it to end and
the unison of the musical instruments
accompanied by a strong voice
Like my girl Jill Scott
Harmoniously
You begin to
slowly elevating your hands and feet
simultaneously
unaware for the rhythm your head
is making as it sways from left to right
This soulful jazz




Hip-Hop
No better yet
REAL Hip-Hop
not this watered down crap
that's influencing this new generation of children
to be sucked into a dark cloud of misconception

Real Hip-Hop
Artists spitting the venom of truth and
Wisdom to all willing to accept and
Listen to the words freely flowing and
rolling off the tongues of these people
uniquely speaking of real life situations
and problems that plague us as a race
Opening our eyes and acoustically focusing
the words being projected into motion pictures.
Real hip Hop



Art



Creativity and freely expressing
yourself
Art one of the most relaxing activities
you can almost take anything
bind it, or color it, and
the beauty that it portrays
is exquisite
especially to the untrained eye



Graffiti
One of the most unappreciated forms of art
Something that started as a
positive movement for African Americans
altered into a negative activity
This form of art used to keep
blacks off the streets
thus initialized into a form of hate
by many who did not understand the
gallery on the sidewalks and
bulletin boards developed by youths

ART
Free Spirited
No one to tell you
which way your pen should stroke
or how light or how dim
you imagine the moon shimmering off the ocean
or the color of someones eyes
No one to tell you how many toes
someone should have or
how to sculpt and mold
Whats in your imagination?

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Now playing: Wale - Diary (Attention Deficit)
via FoxyTunes