My type of guy

It’s been floating for years and decades
and centuries that
we as woman have no idea what we want

This is certainly untrue

Woman do in fact know what they want
they just may be confused due to certain
and or current situation
that is making them temporarily unsure
about where they want at the current time
but not never not knowing what they want

My type of guy

I want a giant
Give me a 6'4 and above guy
A guy that I have to look up to
Being that I'm just about 6ft myself I don’t want a shortie
Call me shallow but I’d miss out on a blessing if he is a shortie
Don’t judge me.
That’s just the way I feel
With the build
I don’t want an extremely skinny
I love a man with an athlete build.
Give me Dwight Howard’s height and muscularity
with a Chuck Hayes build and I’m in heaven
Scratch that I’d just take Hayes

I sports fanatic
A guy passionate about sports
It doesn’t matter which one specifically
As long as we both can watch basketball games
or just games in general
and both understand what going on
and can both watch sports center together
someone who I can playfully argue with about certain teams
and sports situations and he actually knows what he is talking about
and corrects me when I'm wrong and I know it.
This is a must


He has to have great hands
No I don’t mean in appearance
I mean he can fix a minor problem on a car
and fix stuff around the house if it is broken
loose ripped or torn
If the sink is stopped up
he needs to be able to go and get some tools
go under the sink
loosen it
find the problem
clean it drain it patch up the leak or
whatever the problem may be


My personal Chef
I can cook
and I want a guy who can make a good meal
he doesn’t have to be the best chef
as long as he can make a meal or 2
that I will always enjoy
without burning the house down then
he is a keeper


Not a Pack rat
I hate to have too much stuff where it’s always cluttered
it annoys me
Someone who isn’t extremely dirty
who knows how to clean after himself
and doesn’t throw everything on the floor knowing I will clean it up
a little helper.

A part time gamer
I love playing cards and I love video games
and I want a guy that I can play certain games with
it doesn’t have to be all the time
or everyday
just here and there we can play a few video games together
and actually win
By the time I do find him
we both we have a career and therefore
we won’t have time to constantly play video games
it will just be nice to play a game or two together and not suck


A believer in God
Someone who appreciates god
gives him thanks and who I can sit down to dinner with
someone who will pray with me and read my bible with
someone who respects god and his son Jesus


A mellow heart
A guy who is calm
calm cool and collected about everything
even times get hard and the only one we can rely on is each other
he will not freak out
When/If he and I are having issues he will not yell
he will just use a smooth voice to calm down the situation
Will not raise his hand to hit me
will just hug me to calm my rattles spirits


A forgiving soul
No one is perfect
We all mess up here and there
I need a forgiving person
where if I mess up he forgives me
forgets about it
and we move on


This seems alot

I think that's why I'm single

Big Ben

Friendships come and go.
But this one has lasted almost a decade.
This guy has meant more to me than anything in the world.(not including my family and my BFF and close girlfriends)
We are so alike yet different.

What started off as a high school fling
turned into like
that transformed into love
well love on my end.....
first love
first lover


Ben Big
I've never met another person
in this whole world
who has liked almost everything that I've liked
who hated the things Ive hated.

At this point in my life
I'm feeling the need
the need for companionship
and its painful because
he is the only guy that completes me.
Never had I met a guy who matches my sense of humor
who matches my goofiness
who understands me as he does
we can be on the phone for hours
days and always have stuff to talk about.
always

and what sucks for me is
in every guy I meet
in every guy I assume to pursue
in every guy I attempt to date
I seem to look for all the characteristics
all the similarities that he has

and now that I reflect on how lonely I am
I miss him even more
I feel he completes me
but there is a barrier
he has the "one" that he feels was made for him
which is fine

I am totally fine with that because
I feel God has blessed me
and has put him in my life for a reason
I feel he is my personal blessing
and as long as one of us is happy
thats all I can ask for.
and as long as he is happy
I am happy
and everyday I thank God
I thanks God for allowing him to be apart of my life
both directly and indirectly and
I'm dreading the day that I won't be able to talk to him anymore
he plays an important role in who I am today.

I'm not waiting for him
because what we "had" was long ago
he knows if he wanted us to be together
that it could happen
I want to date other people
I want to find something different
but it seems no other guy understands me as he does

And it really sucks for the next guy
even though it shouldn't

the last guy was completely different from him
in so many ways
and when I thought I was close to change
he hurt my feelings
so I'm back to square 1


Through all the ups and downs we have
we can never stay mad upset or angry with each other
we can talk to each other about any and everything
how many people that you were so close to in your life
who you can say youve had a 10 year relationship with
that even though this person crushed your heart and soul
that you can forgive forget and move on.

I never met another person that
complements me the way he does
everyday I pray for a better tomorrow
when I will find that one
that ONE that was made just for me

Someone who complements me
complements me the same way he does
not exactly in the same way
but in a way that makes me feel complete.

I know I have to be patient
and wait for my newer blessing
that he is waiting for the opportune time to give to me

anyway
I just wanted to say I love you friend.
thanks for being apart of my life.



snicker with no nuts.......

Time for Sunshine

This photo was taken when I went to alaska in 2008



I love spring
It's the season for
warmth
beauty
and love



We are insured the warmth and beauty
but love
not so much
But I really love this atmosphere at this time before summer hits and it gets way too hot
Hopefully I can take a road trip to this year
just to enjoy the beauty of the blooming flowers and all the things that Jehovah has created for our enjoyment.



Genesis chapter one says he created and he saw that it was good.
I have always enjoyed life outdoors
and all the living creatures (except spiders.)
Once I graduate and have my career under my belt
I would like to travel
to explore the different cultures (not of the US)
and get a chance to experience the beauty and art of their way of living.






I love this time of year

Metamorphosis

Finding who you are is apart of life. We all go through the vulnerable stage of trying to control the emotions and start off a bit iffy. This is because we are young and inexperienced with life. Unsure and oblivious, not sure what kind of guard to put up. You them become like this one of these guys.



Beautiful
Unsure. Always quick to shoot darts of spite and anger at someone with the slightest bit of advice or lesson being passed along to you. Afraid that these words of wisdom don't apply to you and that these so called old timers have no idea when they, in fact went through the same thing you as an adolescence is currently experiencing





Gorgeous
Smooth and vulnerable with no protective covering. Always allowing your self to be corrupted by any and everything that someone may tell you. No self esteem. Always doubting yourself about everything. Feeling naked so open so to the world like all eyes are constantly watching as yours wonder. All the while spreading poison to anyone who is a close enough distance to bite into your world.

It then hits you.
Loneliness
Oblivious
You're not sure who you can trust.
Alone.
Even more unsure of who you are.
Fighting with yourself your heart and feelings
That the world is against you.
You go into hiding.
Isolating oneself



Any you start the necessary change.
The change that everyone is supposed to to do
Self analysis
Meditation
The mello soft whipers of the wind
you start to understand them
The faintest sounds and sights
that makes life worth living
once blinded in darkness
paying attention to everything around you
you begin to slowly open your eyes
allowing yours eyes to adjust
to the light
little by little
slowing you understand everything







Then you have made the final step
You have changed
evolved
Everything
that you never once understood
has finally made come clear
made sense
light has been shed
on everything
that was once dim
you have spread your wings
and matured to that which you
you were programed to become
you have
metamorphasized
change is only the beginning
it is up to you
to continue to
keep the beauty
that has been bestowed
upon you
Stay beautiful

Its Just Not the Same

Well some of you may have read my blog entry "motivation".
This is basically a followup.

Well I saw him for the first time in weeks and
as I approached him I became very very very angry
angry to the point where I didn't want to share words with him
It's not within me to hold grudges
My heart doesn't allow me to
God didn't make me that way
but something
some built up anger
to where steam
seemed
to have escaped my nostrils
like a raging bull
So angry that I had to pause
stop
reevaluate myself
breath
rethink it over
then speak
I'm pretty sure my facial expressions said it all
but
I could not take my emotions out on him
because we are friends and
I'm sure he is oblivious
or may not be
to whats going
and my head begin to swell and
it felt like it was a giant red balloon
ready
and waiting for someone
someone with a sewing needle
to pop it
and
I deflated it
and I
smiled
probably the most phony smile
Id ever smile in my life
but surely afterwards
I became heated again
Like a kettle
so instead of taking out on him
I put all on something else that
would not make it all about him
to avoid regurgitating the wrong words
as to not offend him

Even though we were only just friends
and
we still are
I feel that I should have gotten a warning
something
should have registered in his head
to set a boundary
about
where we stood
as far as friendship is concerned
Now

Now I am in no rush
to see him
to speak to him
to call him

I wish it didn't have to be like this
and I know I cant continue to act this way
because my personality
requires me to be
the goofiest
friendliest
most trustworthy
kindest
best friend anyone could have

I know this will all blow over
but as of right now
Its just not the same



----------------
Now playing: Case - The Best Man I Can Be
via FoxyTunes

Better Late than Never huh

Well as I welcome 2010, I just reflect on all the events that has happened within this last decade and only hope this new one be a much better one.
The music sucks. The newer generation is confused and is in great peril if the next few years don't change and actually show them a more positive and inspirational lifestyle instead of Mr. Hit That Hoe.
Tis the season to reevaluate one self early to ensure one of who you are and thus make the necessary changes to improve everything one is lacking or falling short of.
I myself will be doing this also.


That is all

Motivation

As we all know the king is free. T.I. that is.
Well on the date of Sunday January 3rd I woke up to the song Motivation by Tip
What does that have to do with anything.
Let me go into further detail.
Over these last 3 months, I've had so many disappointments in my life.
I mean you name it I've went through it, but is two in particular that I want to talk about.
The lesser yet greater of the two.
Disappointment number 1
Studies and Grades
I have never been more depressed about anything in my life.
My grades are so freaking terrible it looks like I put forth no effort at all.
But right now, all I can do is that that a build from there. If I take the effort that I dedicated to my anatomy and some other classes then the results should end up much better than this last semester.
Disappointment number 2
So there is well was this amazing guy that I met.
I mean the nicest guy I've ever met. It was like he was sent to me.
Well at least that what I thought until a few days ago.
We are friends. That all you can ask for.
I thought everything was all good. We always talked and spent time with each other. I then soon assume that we were getting ready to make the next step and actually enter a relationship.
Over this last month, I started getting that 6th sense letting me know something was wrong. Now not lying to myself denying the fact that I liked him a lot, decided to analyze the situation. Of course I never said anything to him because I didn't want to ruin the friendship that we have because he is a great guy. So I prayed about the situation and God shed the light out for me. I then found out he was in a relationship but it is a new one. My heart dropped to the floor. I couldn't believe it. I mean I started questioning myself. Am I too fat? Its it because have no ass? Am I not pretty enough? He whole 9. As I moped around for a whole day, I then realized again that everything happens for a reason. It is what it is. We perhaps were supposed to only stay friends and that maybe I took the whole friendship and the things we did out of context. No sex I'm celibate. Me knowing how I am decided that the best way to get over it is to cut off all ties with him and do my own thing until I'm over it. But when I went to sleep and woke up. The song yes you already know motivation started playing over and over and over in my head and I couldn't make it stop. With the realization of what was happening, I had an epiphany. I will discuss that in another blog. I can no longer be upset about it at all. I think about it and smile. I smile because for the first time in my life I was happy and I actually do cherish all the fun times we shared and I know there will be more. After all we are friends. Everyone that enters your life serves a role in making you who you are.
Life is all about lessons. Take everything that hurts you and makes you feel worthless and unwanted and turn it into something positive. Trust in God for everything. Do not be afraid of asking him for answers. That being said I've added a new commandment in my very own book of commandments.

Thou Shall Not Assume.